My Creative Migraine

When migraine pain and creativity collide.

I remember my mum's friend had a town house on Wick Road, it was our first visit, a Sunday. I don't remember the time of year but the weather was heavy. The sky a constant and thick pigeon-grey. Atmospheric pressure my nan would have said had she been with us that day. She wasn't though, I was nine or there abouts. I had been playing upstairs with the friends daughter when I started to feel sick. Noise became too loud, colours too bright and everything felt too much.

Being nine I didn't know how to deal with things when they got too much so I carried on playing until I couldn't anymore, the pain over one of my eyes (presumably the left as that's the sticking point) was excruciating. I got told off for not coming down for dinner. I got told off for being fed up of playing. Instead I lay in that child's bedroom with the lights off until it was time to go home. That was my first experience of migraine. I don’t remember how long it lasted but I have kept a close eye on how it's manifested over the years.

Menstrual periods and the contraception making the onslaught of migraine attacks worse and then better, and then worse again. Cravings and mood swings, nausea, vomitting, stomach ache, numbness, tingling and pain that is so ferocious it cannot be easily put into words have affected me throughout the last nearly—thirty years.

I have tried everything. Some things help. Some things make the migraine attacks worse, prolong them, increase their frequency.

But, what I've also noticed is a crazy link between migraine and creativity. Something I've been monitoring over the last few years. As a writer I am often inspired by my lowest moods. However cliche, it's certainly true in my case that tragedy and misery play a role in my artistic outpouring, but I've since learned so does migraine.

In the prodrome phase I get bursts of fatigue, followed by hysterical laughter and generally feel quite upbeat. Then, the aura phase can even feel like I'm drunk at times. Visually my spatial awareness and general visual processing is abnormal.

During the migraine attack phase pain takes over. Coupled with nausea and feelings of fear, my mood swings violently from panic and despair. But in the middle of that chaos somewhere is usually an idea for something creative. A plan. A pipe dream. It's actually why I'm writing this article right now. Perhaps it's the pain itself that causes this blank space where imagination and creativity peak, but having looked into the background a little it would seem many famous artists are thought to have experienced migraine attacks regularly.

The likes of Monet and Van Gough are said to be among artists who lived with migraine and it's even been said that Picasso's colour works may have been inspired by visual auras, though there is little evidence to support this. The writer Lewis Carrol, author of Alice in Wonderland is also known speculatively for being inspired by migraine episodes.

When the attack phase ends and migraine has peaked, I myself am often driven by a visceral desire to get my ideas down. To turn my pain into something tangible. However, unfortunately for me, as the postdrome or ‘hangover’ phase lingers, this need to be creative can disappear quite quickly.

I think it's relevant to note that most—if not all—of the artists mentioned, are also believed to have suffered some form of mental illness, and may have been (like myself) neurodivergent. With that being said is the link actually between migraine and creativity, mental illness and creativity, or a neurodivergent trait? Perhaps it's none, or all three. All I know for sure is that migraine attacks and the natural flow of my own creative works have a link. I'll be following this more carefully this year and will update on future episodes.